So its Saturday. I got to sleep till 10 which I seriously needed to do. I have work from 2 to 7 and tho its only 5 hours its five hours of a shit load of parents hating me, Kids and baby's crying, and than a massive amount of paper work that I just hate doing. All to make $8.25 and hour. What a freaking life I have. I dont get to go to college cause have to work full time. My mom is a bitch who likes to lie and keep secrets from me and her other children. I miss my friends. I haven's seen Rhys all summer, hung out with Brian only a few times. And when I did get to see Trenton all I did was cry about the next time I would get to see him.
I hate having to play mom everyday to kids that aren't mine and wife to a boyfriend that doesn't want to be my husband. I love then all more than life its self. But damn when will I get to be who and what I want to be!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
August 20, 2010
Today was Sara's birthday. I worked for 4 hours last on a cake for her, and it was perfect. I got to spend time getting to know all of her friends and her mom. Which was actually really interesting since i learned that she had a threesome with my mother!!!
Other than that i had a great night!
Other than that i had a great night!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thoughts
Have you ever felt life your life is on hold? Like everything you do, is done just because its the only thing there is to do at the time? Like your just waiting around for your life to actually start?
Everyone around me has a plan, a good life plan at that. And I am just here in the background of life just chillin. Watching as everyone I know continues with the things they want to do. I know what I want to do in life, I know every detail of the things I want for my self. I just cant have them.
I want to go to college with Trenton.
I want to be the most important thing to him.
I want to live life not as his wife but as someone he can rely on and depend on just like I do for him.
I want to mean something in this world.
I want to leaving something meaningful behind me when I die.
Bleh. I want a child with a women.
I am not sure how much more I can right. This is just...sad
Everyone around me has a plan, a good life plan at that. And I am just here in the background of life just chillin. Watching as everyone I know continues with the things they want to do. I know what I want to do in life, I know every detail of the things I want for my self. I just cant have them.
I want to go to college with Trenton.
I want to be the most important thing to him.
I want to live life not as his wife but as someone he can rely on and depend on just like I do for him.
I want to mean something in this world.
I want to leaving something meaningful behind me when I die.
Bleh. I want a child with a women.
I am not sure how much more I can right. This is just...sad
August 19, 2010
So today I went apartment hunting with my new roomy Lauren. I am actually really looking forward to it, we have known each other for like 3 years and though we have a good history as friends, every thing else I can honestly say that I wish things would have been better.
We move at the end Sept. and well I can not wait. I get my own place something that I get all as my own, with the exception as her. We are going to decorate everything the way we want it. My room will mainly be an of but I want to be all about me!
We move at the end Sept. and well I can not wait. I get my own place something that I get all as my own, with the exception as her. We are going to decorate everything the way we want it. My room will mainly be an of but I want to be all about me!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
August 18, 2010
Today I get to play mom again to Sara and Danny. I am taking them shopping for school clothes. Standardized dress has made it to Burleson and its about to kill me. Blue, White, Grey, Black, and Red shirts for all....Cacky pants for everyone as well. Not something this kids will like very much but because the school districts thinks that its the best way to keep kids inline and to stop fights the parents have to suffer as well.
Note: These are not my kids. I dont have any and having a child is not in my mediate future.
Living with a 13 year old boy (Danny) and a 12 year old girl (Sara) I have no choice my to be a mom. I am their taxi drives, personal chief, and maid when they dont want to clean up after themselves. I get to do all than with out a hug, thank you, or my favorite... I love you!
Sometimes I have a hard time trying to figure out why I do it!
Note: These are not my kids. I dont have any and having a child is not in my mediate future.
Living with a 13 year old boy (Danny) and a 12 year old girl (Sara) I have no choice my to be a mom. I am their taxi drives, personal chief, and maid when they dont want to clean up after themselves. I get to do all than with out a hug, thank you, or my favorite... I love you!
Sometimes I have a hard time trying to figure out why I do it!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
August 17, 2010
There are thousands of thoughts running through my head and no one to tell them to. My best friend Trenton Oxley is leaving for Baylor college tomorrow, and though he is only an hour or so from where I am living I feel like he is millions of miles away.
He is the most intelligent guy and the biggest smart a** you will ever meet, he lies to make me feel better about things I would kill anyone else for lying to me about and treats me both like a little sister and a lover. He is the exception to every rule I have. I have known him for almost 6 years now and he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Without him...and his mother I would have gotten no where in this world.
So this blog that I am starting here is for him, so that all the things I wish I could tell him and cant, he can come here to read about everything he has missed.
He is the most intelligent guy and the biggest smart a** you will ever meet, he lies to make me feel better about things I would kill anyone else for lying to me about and treats me both like a little sister and a lover. He is the exception to every rule I have. I have known him for almost 6 years now and he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Without him...and his mother I would have gotten no where in this world.
So this blog that I am starting here is for him, so that all the things I wish I could tell him and cant, he can come here to read about everything he has missed.
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